March 12, 2010

set apart

i always have been known to go against the flow

we are all followers to some degree for sure

it is built into us

but i remember even as a young person not wanting

to be sucked into commerism and materialism.

i took that to the extreme one Christmas when i refused

to partake in the holiday because i felt we had gone so 

far from the truth of it's real message and i didn't 

want to be hypocritical.

in the 80's i loved to find vintage clothing, 

dye it myself.

i had my own look.

i began to travel when i was out of school

searching for truth.

i looked into hinduism, buddism, bahai, 

i even took a trip to israel to investigate judiasm.

i was fascinated by a race that could endure such tragedies as 

the holocaust and live to tell the tail.

my biggest and radical decision was to follow Christ.

i was very opposed to Christianity over the years:

again the hypocrisy.

so it even came as a surprise to me when i found

myself crying out for mercy to the Christ who i had

resisted for so many years.

the change was radical.

i had a host of habits:

cocaine use, alcohol, pot, extreme bad language and after i begged

for mercy and cleansing 

(after reading psalm 51 one night in my room)

i was totally released from all that had earlier bound me

from that day on He

set me apart.

I believe He sets us all apart once we chose to be His.

the biggest and most profound change was that 

He gave me an "other" focus.

I began to SEE people.. perhaps for the first time in my life.

I began to really care.

I began to want to help.

that hasn't changed over the years.

we are in roatan because we feel called to help here.

pretty sweet place to help.. i must say!

but it comes with cost.

it means leaving family behind.

it means dealing with a culture different from ours 

it means dealing with heat and bugs

today it meant taking a couple of ladies out on a tour

when i am dizzy and not feeling well.

do i regret doing it?

not at all.

am i ignoring my needs?

never.

i want to see dr. raymond last night.

my blood pressure is high.

i need to deal with that.

i have never had this problem before so

we are doing a battery of tests.

i am resting today.

whatever befalls

i will say like asaph the psalmist:

"my heart and my fail may fail but 

God

is 

the strength of my heart

and my portion

forever.

set apart.

i wouldn't have it any other way.

ever.