i always have been known to go against the flow
we are all followers to some degree for sure
it is built into us
but i remember even as a young person not wanting
to be sucked into commerism and materialism.
i took that to the extreme one Christmas when i refused
to partake in the holiday because i felt we had gone so
far from the truth of it's real message and i didn't
want to be hypocritical.
in the 80's i loved to find vintage clothing,
dye it myself.
i had my own look.
i began to travel when i was out of school
searching for truth.
i looked into hinduism, buddism, bahai,
i even took a trip to israel to investigate judiasm.
i was fascinated by a race that could endure such tragedies as
the holocaust and live to tell the tail.
my biggest and radical decision was to follow Christ.
i was very opposed to Christianity over the years:
again the hypocrisy.
so it even came as a surprise to me when i found
myself crying out for mercy to the Christ who i had
resisted for so many years.
the change was radical.
i had a host of habits:
cocaine use, alcohol, pot, extreme bad language and after i begged
for mercy and cleansing
(after reading psalm 51 one night in my room)
i was totally released from all that had earlier bound me
from that day on He
set me apart.
I believe He sets us all apart once we chose to be His.
the biggest and most profound change was that
He gave me an "other" focus.
I began to SEE people.. perhaps for the first time in my life.
I began to really care.
I began to want to help.
that hasn't changed over the years.
we are in roatan because we feel called to help here.
pretty sweet place to help.. i must say!
but it comes with cost.
it means leaving family behind.
it means dealing with a culture different from ours
it means dealing with heat and bugs
today it meant taking a couple of ladies out on a tour
when i am dizzy and not feeling well.
do i regret doing it?
not at all.
am i ignoring my needs?
i want to see dr. raymond last night.
my blood pressure is high.
i need to deal with that.
i have never had this problem before so
we are doing a battery of tests.
i am resting today.
i will say like asaph the psalmist:
"my heart and my fail may fail but
the strength of my heart
and my portion
i wouldn't have it any other way.